We all know it, of course, no other than Miss Taylor Swift and her awesome inspiration songs. Her latest album is really, really my all time favourite. Just can't get rid of her songs off from my mind most of the time. I don't care if my playlist only repeat her songs again and again, I can sing it again and again for gazillion times =) Taylor rocks!
Hope to pick up my guitar again, but it's 5am in the morning now, I'm a little bit tired and I don't dare to wake my brother up by the noise. Right this moment, I'm enjoying my Taylor's beautiful songs and dreaming about how amazing it would be if I can sing on stage with the crowd. I don't want to be a star, I just want to sing my favourite songs to all my friends, and who may like to listen to my singing. That feeling is like the world stops around you, and you're the only one who can feel things around. All eyes on you, and you just sharing what you like to share. No one can understand that feeling, but yourself. I always sing in front of the mirror, even when shower, even when changing, whenever in the car, whenever walking on the street. Singing is like my must-to-do list everyday!
I day dream a lot. And I meant, a lot. Everyone do that, it's just that I probably would be 120% more than other people do. I think a lot too, which is not a good thing for me. Good stuff bad stuff, everything. That is why I hate to be alone, yet, I desperate to be alone most of the time. Yeah I'm a weirdo. I enjoy my alone time. I love my alone time. I like to do things alone, most of the time. I don't like to show my ugly side to people, 'cause I'm too shy for that. But I like to do stupid things when I'm alone. Call me freak.
Been thinking, what my friends have been asking me for this while. Am I gonna work as a retail assistant forever? Shit. The first thing that came to my mind is... Right. I don't know either. Everyone asked me am I going back to college? The problem is, if I have enough money for study, you won't see me working at the shop right? And then they'll go, Save money. Or PTPTN. That's why I always keep telling people, I know what I'm doing and I know what to do before and after things happen. I've tried PTPTN, but it can't even cover 1 semester for me. So what do you want me to do? Rob the bank? Or begging people to borrow money for me to study? If you guys know me well enough, you'll know that I hate to talk about money issue with friends, or anybody else. You're giving my YOUR opinions or rather suggestions to me from your point of view, but I would rather say that you're forcing me to do things that YOU think it's right, that YOU think it's good for me, that YOU think it's for my own good. But what about MY opinion? Does anyone of you have asked me about MY feelings? How I feel and what I think? Or maybe it's not important because you're talking like you know what's good for me.
I asked mommy, will you support me if I'm going back to college? The first thing she ask me was, how do I think about it? Can you see why our mothers are always the best? Because all they want is us to be happy to do things that we like. They always support us no matter what, at least my mom does. I'm thankful that I still have my mom around, though we don't talk that often like others. Everyone has their problem, everyone will thinks there is nothing more worst than them. So did I, but not anymore. And I know this is not going to be the only problem I'll be having, yet I still stand it and face it, bravely. Everything is going to be alright and fine.
Time is all the matters. But in this moment, is the most difficult time for me to go through. Stuck in the middle, don't know which way to go. Left or right? Up or down? Straight or U-turn? I gotta talk about this with someone I trust. As soon as possible. As I already have some other problems coming towards me.
I guess that's it for today. I have to get onto my bed and rest for later. Gosh I'm screwed!
Picture of the day
Frustrated
Hope to say sorry to you, once and for all.
