Back to the old times =)

Watching some amazing goals from youtube felt so good. Excited, and reminded me about my youth.

When I was a kid, I used to watch football games with my father and brothers. Though I wasn't really understand what football is, but I enjoyed the goals and the moment they scream together. I remember the first FIFA World Cup I've watched, it was won by Holland if I 'm not mistaken. I remembered my father was talking with my brothers about Berkamp's goal. It is the clearest memory about my father with the family. Speaking of that time, David Beckham was the hottest footballer around the town. Everyone likes him and seems like he's the only one that everyone knows when comes to football games.

Of course, he's my hottest best footballer among all. Not that he's the only one who famous back at 90s, and he's the only one who can really play well and have natural talent plus potential in football. His free kicks and crosses were the best, and no one else can beat him even until now. I have a poster of him that hanged on my wall. The first thing you'll see when you enter my room will be his handsome face on the wall. My friends all noticed it and said I'm crazy. So what? Don't ever let me see you hanging Jay Chou on your wall then. It's crazy! You know.

When I watch the videos, I can feel the excitement and passion when he plays. His goals was absolutely no doubt, fascinating. All his free kicks bend, assistance, passing and goals, it's almost 100% accurately to be score once he got the chance and the right spot. He can determined really fast about how much strength he's gonna kick the ball and pass to his teammate, with 100% accurately. He's talented just the moment he born. He work hard for his fame and money, he played with his passion. He's unpredictably nice and handsome, not to mention having a wife that dressing him to be a fashion icon. Incredibly sexy body shape, tattoos, hairstyle and lot more. How amazing would it be if he's my dad? Nah just kidding. But... What if I am?

I miss the time when he wears the red jersey. I miss the time when he kicks out the ball and celebrate on the next moment. I felt regret that I didn't watch much of his games when he play for the Red Devils. Well... That's the time that you're suppose to missed aren't ya?

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I like this hairstyle the most

Dream on Yvonne... Dream it big.

Acting strange...

Been sleeping in the middle of the night lately. My body told me to sleep but my brain just doesn't allowed me to. With all the music, games, imaginations and shit. Damn my brain just wouldn't wanna rest for a second.

The coming weeks is going to be super busy for me. Tom is going to work at the fair, me have to take care of his outlet my own. I'm afraid that I can't handle it. Imma everyday late to work, what more can help him to take care of it? It's a joke right? I hope it is. Seriously.

I must change. At least be punctual to work as my first step. Then, a chance to apologize. I need to prove to myself, and to other people, that I am capable to handle things myself. I am a reliable person and a trustworthy friend. I have to gain back my trust between them and I. Only time can change this matter at the moment. Not that I don't care, but I'll just let the time to prove it to them, about the real me.

To be honest, I do feel disappointed to myself. What a joke.

Just want to buried myself into music and think nothing.

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Yea I'm cute =)

I feel like we're being far apart away.

My life is confised

Is it me or is it my brain? Made me fucking late to work these days. I'm scared, to let others find out. I don't mind what others think, but her. I'm pathetic I know.

I know I'm the problem, not my brain. Just trying to find an excuse for me to escape. Scared, but still doing it. What the fuck are you doing Yvonne Kow?! You've said you'll change, but since when you really change? Since when? I wanna know either. Your room is a mess, your job is pointless, your study is worthless, your life is confused. What am I doing at all these times? Am I on the right way? Or did I choose the wrong path? Can anyone tell me?

I feel really upset, when seeing my friends are graduating from college. I admit it. I'm jealous and upset. I don't blame anyone, not my mom, not my dad, not my brothers, but myself. I wasted my own time and other people's money. I lost trust from my friends, my colleague, I guess the next will be my family. Let's hope they don't give up on me alright? I got no one to tell my feelings, here, in this place, is the only place that I can spread out my feelings, but no one knows still.

At the moment, I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm pathetic. Can anyone hear me?

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I'm scared. My life is pathetic.

I'm still trying to be better for you, but I just can't.

It's Been Awhile...

Something or someone just inspired me to write down this post. What and who might that be?

We all know it, of course, no other than Miss Taylor Swift and her awesome inspiration songs. Her latest album is really, really my all time favourite. Just can't get rid of her songs off from my mind most of the time. I don't care if my playlist only repeat her songs again and again, I can sing it again and again for gazillion times =) Taylor rocks!

Hope to pick up my guitar again, but it's 5am in the morning now, I'm a little bit tired and I don't dare to wake my brother up by the noise. Right this moment, I'm enjoying my Taylor's beautiful songs and dreaming about how amazing it would be if I can sing on stage with the crowd. I don't want to be a star, I just want to sing my favourite songs to all my friends, and who may like to listen to my singing. That feeling is like the world stops around you, and you're the only one who can feel things around. All eyes on you, and you just sharing what you like to share. No one can understand that feeling, but yourself. I always sing in front of the mirror, even when shower, even when changing, whenever in the car, whenever walking on the street. Singing is like my must-to-do list everyday!

I day dream a lot. And I meant, a lot. Everyone do that, it's just that I probably would be 120% more than other people do. I think a lot too, which is not a good thing for me. Good stuff bad stuff, everything. That is why I hate to be alone, yet, I desperate to be alone most of the time. Yeah I'm a weirdo. I enjoy my alone time. I love my alone time. I like to do things alone, most of the time. I don't like to show my ugly side to people, 'cause I'm too shy for that. But I like to do stupid things when I'm alone. Call me freak.

Been thinking, what my friends have been asking me for this while. Am I gonna work as a retail assistant forever? Shit. The first thing that came to my mind is... Right. I don't know either. Everyone asked me am I going back to college? The problem is, if I have enough money for study, you won't see me working at the shop right? And then they'll go, Save money. Or PTPTN. That's why I always keep telling people, I know what I'm doing and I know what to do before and after things happen. I've tried PTPTN, but it can't even cover 1 semester for me. So what do you want me to do? Rob the bank? Or begging people to borrow money for me to study? If you guys know me well enough, you'll know that I hate to talk about money issue with friends, or anybody else. You're giving my YOUR opinions or rather suggestions to me from your point of view, but I would rather say that you're forcing me to do things that YOU think it's right, that YOU think it's good for me, that YOU think it's for my own good. But what about MY opinion? Does anyone of you have asked me about MY feelings? How I feel and what I think? Or maybe it's not important because you're talking like you know what's good for me.

I asked mommy, will you support me if I'm going back to college? The first thing she ask me was, how do I think about it? Can you see why our mothers are always the best? Because all they want is us to be happy to do things that we like. They always support us no matter what, at least my mom does. I'm thankful that I still have my mom around, though we don't talk that often like others. Everyone has their problem, everyone will thinks there is nothing more worst than them. So did I, but not anymore. And I know this is not going to be the only problem I'll be having, yet I still stand it and face it, bravely. Everything is going to be alright and fine.

Time is all the matters. But in this moment, is the most difficult time for me to go through. Stuck in the middle, don't know which way to go. Left or right? Up or down? Straight or U-turn? I gotta talk about this with someone I trust. As soon as possible. As I already have some other problems coming towards me.

I guess that's it for today. I have to get onto my bed and rest for later. Gosh I'm screwed!

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Frustrated

Hope to say sorry to you, once and for all.

Headline! I'm Back!

Yo yo everyone! I'm back again! For don't know how many gazillion times already..

Just changed to a new modem. Thanks to Feh Fan, he lend me his old one. Well at least I have things to do after getting home from work now. Catch up with friends, update their stories, and now most importantly, update my management staff's status so I can get rid of them. In case they're in bad mood. I don't wanna kena boom =/

Alright enough about people. Let's talk about me! Currently practicing a little dance performance for my company's annual dinner. I have to say, this is the toughest performance that I've ever got in. Creating our own step for the whole song, mix and match and stuff. Gosh this is hard. And they want to audition after a month when they announced that we have to get involve to it. If i am that good in dancing, I wouldn't be working at Shojikiya right? Oh p-leaseeee...

But we managed to complete the dance. Well... Sort of. 30% away to getting it done. 1st audition on next week which I forgot when is it. Then the formal one is on May which I also forgot what date it is. Sorry I don't really remember these kinda small matters. And the Customer Service thingy some more. I need 48 hours a day now. Or a clock stopper would be better? I need some time to sleep also. Haven't been sleep well for a while.

Here we are. Should stop here and get back to my videos. I haven't been online for so long! Must catch up a bit. Oh and by the way, the song for my performance is called On The Floor by J-Lo feat. Pitbull. Yeah rock it baby =)

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It's a new J-Loration

No case is in my list now.

All I Can Say Is I Was...

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette, starts to make its way to me
The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love?
I wonder 'til I'm wide awake
And now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say
Hey it was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that
This was the very first page, not where the storyline ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

@Taylor Swift - Enchanted

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The night is sparkling

Still no case yet.

QUICK!!!

Oh my! When can I really rest and shop til I drop?? WHEN?!!

Working is hell. I mean, the job is okay but tired like hell. Don't ever choose for retail if you're not the-tough-person-who-can-do-everything-you-own kinda people. Trust me. Office is your type. Though I don't like the bored-ness of it. But at least it has a fix time for you in everyday and you got PUBLIC HOLIDAY. Unless you want double or triple pay, otherwise just take a day off on these big days. It's a mess for you to work on the public holiday.

Yvonne, Yvonne... You gotta stick with it once you've chosen this job from the beginning.

Nothing much happened today. But glad to hang out with friends and sister after finished work. Listening to Taylor on the way home. And her Singapore's concert ticket is totally SOLD OUT. What the fuck man. Anyone just willing to sell me any of her tickets? The price is negotiable X)

Oh well.. Should have asked my friend to buy for me earlier. Damn. I was too late. It's all too late now. Fuck.

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I wish I could be there with her. One day.

No case for today.