LoneLy...

Saturday

It's weekend again. Mommy went to Thailand, left me and my 2 brothers. Well actually you can say only me in the house because both of them went to work and left me at home. Weekend life, food and tv. But since i got fever, soar throat and cough, plus flu, food doesn't interesting. Sorry for didn't update my blog for so long, my computer is so lack at the moment. Perhaps too many pictures in my computer. Busy with the drama thing these days. Hope it'll go as plan. Thanks to Feh Fan, he help a lot with it. Going to buy dress on this Sunday for prefect night. Pss... I still haven't pay the fee ^..^v

Til here, have a nice day everyone.

tRuSt...

I trusted you. I thought if i give you mine and you'll give me yours. I thought we can be good friends. I thought, if i treat everyone good and they will do the same to me. But i was wrong, once they walk behind you, they will step you very hard until you can't even scream out. I thoutht you're different from them. I helped you so much, and that's the way you treat me back. I was thinking, what's the point that i'm helping you so much? I stayed for you, and you're the one who asked for that. And i'm here, i'm here for you. But look, look what you've done to me. All i ask is just your trust, and that's all. I've tried my best to help you, in everything. But now, i'm confused. I don't know can i still trust you or not. I spended 4 years to regconize you, and i thought you can be my good friend. Beside, we have a good time together. Unfortunately, i'm spended only half day to know that you're not that kind of guy that i expected. Or maybe i'm too good to be fool until you played me but i still have no any fucking idea to figure out what the hell was happened here... I don't know whether i should blame and disappoint on you or myself. Funny isn't it? Just stupid...

Miss...

Saturday, well i think it should be Sunday now

Nothing much to do today. Online, chat , sms, watch football. Planning for tuesday. Choir on monday people, do come for practice please. Like Emily said, be there or beware *stare eyes*... Suddenly miss my aunt's chocolate strawberries at Cameron. It's so delicious. Mmm...........

neh...

nah... tada~

Now only i found out songs by Aly & AJ are nice. I know i know... I'm a outdated person. o..O

Why no one online in these days?!?!?!?! Where are my friends?!?!?!?! My neck are sooooo pain now. Don't know why...

dying in boredom~ lalalala~~

morning

Thought holiday will be very nice but, i found out it's very boring. Can't wait to go hang out with friends, anywhere... Just don't want to sit in my room and starring at the screen. It will makes me feel frustrated, when i think about the past... Sms with Shiao Yen last night til midnight. She keep asking me about Sharon again. I'm not blaming her actually, but whenever i heard or say her name, i'll just feel frustrated. Everytime when i think back, i feel so disappoint on myself. I'm so regret for what i've done to her. From that time on, i never want to be close with anyone again. I never want to know any new friends. Even to my old friends, i have nothing to say with them. No topic, no gossip, no word. Besides, the lembaga pengawas, i just want to shut my mouth up forever. Plus the choir things, lots of things are waiting for me to do. No one can share with my feelings. Sometimes i want to tell someone about my personal stuff, but i couldn't find anyone to talk about, not even my family. All i can do is put them in my heart or write them in here. No one can understand my feelings. Well, of course i do know my friends care about me, but it doesn't mean they understand how i feel.. I would like to have her back again. But which i know it's impossible.

Failure...

Sometimes i just feel like i'm a failure. Worst than a failure. Even a form 1 kid
can think in mature way like the adults. But i'll just think that if i give them as much as i can and that's the best way for them. Well, truth is cruel in sometimes yet it's true. Everyone keep saying that it's for their own good. But is it what they want? Is it what they want from you? Maybe you're giving them the best thing in the world but are they really want it? Yes, it's for their own good, but all those views and opinions are out from yourself. You're the one who want them to do what you want. Am i right? Sometimes people just want some spaces for their own selves to do things that they really wanted to. That's what the form 1 kid told me last night. And i'm totally agree with it. I cried when i saw this message. I feel so embarassing and disappointed on myself. How come i'm being so stubborn in this second? In this minute? In these years? Torturing my own self and other people? What the hell am i thinking? What the fuck am i doing? I just feel so tired of myself in this second. For being a stupid fool in my own life. Doing some stupid things that even a stupid fool won't do. I keep pushing myself that never ever do the same mistake like i used to. But when things happen, i'll just can't control myself. Keep doing the same fucking mistake again, again and again. I've lost someone i love, someone who i really care for, in just one little mistake. And i don't know how to save this relationship until now. I don't even dare to face that person. All i can do is just cheer her up and solve every problem that she face, without her known. I don't want to lose anyone again. Anyone in my life. Just feel very frustrated now. I'm a failure. Doing what a failure will do... And i'm sorry for what i did...

3...

Friday

Just finished 3 subjects for exam. PMR over today. So damn jealous...

Marianne, smile. Girl i don't like to see your sadly face.

Whatever now. Happy Birthday Farn Yeong. Be a man yo.

Sadly sadly sadly...

Goodnight.