My little piece of Myself

I'm just gonna change this when I feel like it

Life's Silly-ness

Sunday, March 16, 2008

finding a place call home...

i know what you thinking. you want me to leave isn't it? fine. i leave. you happy now? eventhough you didn't tell me but i heard what you said with him. he don't like me, he's mad at me, so? i don't care. what i hurt the most is you never give me a chance. you never understand me. once i did wrong, i'm always wrong. i heard everything that you said. i felt hurt. deeply. very deeply. worst than a deep cut with a knife. my heart is bleeding. i'm just waiting to die now. how i wish i never been to this world before. how i wish i'm not come from this family. i agree to my friend, since when parents will understand us. now i know how the bad people felt, you want bad? i give you bad. and as a brother, you are suppose to protect and help me, not message me and said how disappointed on me. you wanna talk? fine. but i know what are you going to say. you always help her isn't it? because she's your mother. you always think parents are right. you will only listen and agree with them. but what about me? have you ever think about how i feel? why do all of you so selfish? have you ever try? try to think about me? try to understand how i feel? never. because you all always think that you are right. i'm always the person who get to blame on because i'm the youngest. being a youngest, is not as good as i expected. what more being a daughter and a sister? i miss my mom. i miss my dad. i miss my two brothers. where are they? i want my old life. eventhough we're living in separately. but now, i think i miss the time when i lived with my cousins. at least they won't give me so much pressure. at least they care for me. at least there is someone can play with me. although i have no freedom. why do i chose to living with you? why? because i thought i can do whatever i like with my freedom. the moment i stepped on this house? i thought i was free. i really thought this is a home for me. but i'm wrong. i shouldn't chose you. i made a big mistake. this is not what i want. you're not my mom, you're not my brothers, anymore. i'll leave. without your notice. i'll leave, to a place where i call peace and free. i'll leave, not because i did wrong, is because i don't want to see your face anymore. i feel no guilty. i know what i did. i don't need to explain, and i don't like to. my perfect family has gone, to nowhere. and i can't wait to leave this place. to somewhere that everyone don't know me. to a place where i call it home. and never come back...

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