oVeR...

Finally, 4 years comes to the end, and it's me to end up this. To put a full stop there is not easy as i thought. I ask myself, do i really have to do this? But there's no more spaces in my brain for me to think, plus, i already decided for long time ago. I know it's not easy for me to take it, but i have to let it go. I know i'm doing the right thing, but at the same time, i know i'm going lose it from now. I want it so bad, but sometimes you have to know what's good for yourself and what will make you feel regret if you keeping it. There's always something you don't want it to happen but it will appear suddenly when you're defenceless. For me, i'll just sacrifice myself and do the best that i can. I just want to out from it with peace. So why can't you just leave me alone?
I've been going through this again, again and again. I've been given so many chances to you, and i keep find different excuses to cover up the scar. Can't you see it's bleeding? Why do you kept scratching it til i get hurt over again? I didn't even bother to tell you because you always think you are right. I thought you will change. But now i guess i was wrong, you don't even know what you did to me and you don't even bother how i feel.
You've done a lot to me, and i appreciate it. I forgive you because you always apologize to me and coax me in your way. You appreciate me a lot because you know i'm very important for you. There's a lot of precious things between both of us and it's priceless in our life. Is it real? Or maybe there's only one stupid fool will think that's our precious memories, only the stupid fool will believe that we are very important to each other - me. Not easy to throw out the things we've been through in 4 years in a short time.
I felt so lonely suddenly. Like no one else living in my world anymore. Everything and time i just have to go through by myself, guess no exception for this time.
I need sometime to recover. A very hard one. How long? I don't know, don't even care. I mean, who cares? Since when people care about me? And since when i care about myself? Who knows what will i do or happen to me on next?